For Baby's Sake (Harlequin Romance) Page 6

  Alicia shivered and turned away from the window. She had to think of this whole thing logically. Unemotionally.

  Maggie had treated Dan in an off-handed, casual manner. He’d acted exactly the same way the whole evening—until she’d been leaving, and then they’d put their heads together and discussed something intently. Alicia’s initial twinge of jealousy seeing their heads inches from each other’s, had died once she’d overheard enough of the conversation to know they were again discussing a patient they shared a concern for. Maggie’s thank-yous had been warm and friendly. And Maggie and Dan hadn’t acted the least bit loverlike as they’d said their good-nights.

  And Dan came directly to my room and held and kissed me like he never wanted to stop. Alicia sighed and hugged herself. She suddenly felt cold and lonely.

  She wanted to go to him and let him hold her until she fell asleep in his arms. She wanted him to whisper that he loved her once more.

  “We were never meant to be anything but lovers,” she whispered his words to herself. She wanted that. But she also wanted to be his mate. The one he came to to discuss his concerns for his patients. She wanted to be the person he shared every longing with. She wanted so much more than he’d ever offered. And if she let herself believe the things he’d said tonight, he wanted the chance to make a go of this marriage, too.

  Of course, his mother and Melanie preferred Maggie. How many times had Laura said, “If things were different...” rolling her eyes? But did it matter what Mrs. Bridges thought? Wasn’t Dan’s opinion the only one that counted here?

  Alicia glanced at the clock and realized she’d been stewing about the evening for almost two hours. It was a little after one in the morning and sleep felt as far away as the moon that softly lit the room. She’d never find any answers to all her questions by herself, she realized. She stirred restlessly and began taking off her clothes. She shivered and closed the window to shut out the crisp fresh air she’d been so hungry for after Dan had left.

  “We were never meant to be anything but lovers,” Dan’s words echoed in her head as she pulled her heavy, yellow, footed sleepers on. And her heart argued with the words. How could they share only a sexual attraction? Supposedly, a sensual reaction to someone was all in your head, yet they’d never made future plans beyond getting married and having several children.

  In the time she’d known Dan, Alicia had never asked what his greatest ambition was. She’d never told him where she wanted to be ten years from now, or five, or even one. They’d been too fascinated with each other to talk. Conversations had died on the vine when lingering touches had taken over; sentences had trailed off unexpectedly amid stolen kisses.

  His body had educated hers in the ways of love, without telling her a thing about his life, his dreams, his hopes.

  Suddenly, she had to know. She had to continue the conversation with the man who’d come to mean everything to her. Grabbing her robe for additional warmth, Alicia stepped out into the darkened hall.

  If Dan wanted to continue with the marriage, as he seemed to, he was probably ready to bring all of their problems out into the open. The time had come for her to listen to what he had to say about the incident with Maggie. And she’d have to listen with her heart, not her head. The time had come to sort out all of this nightmare and put things back into their proper prospective.

  She knew that some of the answers would take more than one middle-of-the-night conversation to find, but it was time they started. Maybe they could have it all. Maybe she’d been wrong about his feelings for Maggie.

  Alicia took a long, steadying breath. If Dan wanted this marriage to be a real one, all he had to do was say so. If he truly didn’t want that, he only had to say that, too. In the back of her mind, Alicia knew she was opening herself up to a lot of heartache if Dan’s answers didn’t match what she so longed to hear, but she felt strong enough to handle that now. And if the answers were what she wanted to hear? Well, she’d be embarking on a wonderful life with a very exciting man. And that she could handle.

  Dan flopped onto his lonely bed fully clothed and flung an arm over his eyes. He’d messed up—again. What happened to the bold promise he’d made to himself? He wanted to give Alicia time to trust him again, and instead, he was acting like the only thing that interested him was her body. He should be seducing her in every way but that. Even in college, when he’d been “sowing his wild oats,” he’d managed to establish some type of relationship besides sexual with the women he’d dated.

  Now, when he most needed to control himself, not only for the sake of their baby, but for Alicia’s peace of mind, all he could think of was touching her, holding her, of making love to her. He moved uncomfortably and thought about the short distance from his room to hers. “This isn’t going to work,” he said irritably, and yanked himself up and off the bed. He actually wished he’d get a phone call that would take him to the hospital. If something didn’t happen soon, he’d be back in her bed, making love to her, regardless of the consequences.

  Dan grabbed his jacket and headed for the garage. A couple of hours later, after he’d driven at least 100 miles around the countryside with the radio at full blare and the gas pedal a little closer to the floor than it should be, he realized he hadn’t picked up his beeper when he’d left. He was on call tonight. He mentally crossed his fingers that he hadn’t had any calls. Bill wasn’t as young as he used to be and needed his uninterrupted nights.

  He stopped by the hospital. A red-eyed Bill came out as Dan walked up to the emergency entrance.

  “Where ya’ been, Bud?” Bill asked, striding past without stopping. “You don’t look so good.”

  “I’m sorry, Bill. I was wandering.” Dan turned around and fell into step with the other doctor. “I forgot to take my beeper,” he added sheepishly, half under his breath.

  Bill stopped so suddenly that Dan was two paces ahead before he turned to face the other man. Bill’s eyebrow arched at an especially accusatory angle, and Dan expected a gentle rebuke about his responsibilities to the citizens of their small city. “Wandering? Are the rumors true, then?” Bill’s comment took him by surprise and Dan’s mind went blank.

  “Like father, like son?” Bill went on to explain.

  The oft-echoed phrase hit home like a lead weight and Bill was climbing into his plush Mark IV before Dan caught up with him. “Bill?”

  The dome light in the car left gray shadows on the older man’s face and Dan thought guiltily of how weary he looked. I let him down, and this isn’t the time or the place, Dan reprimanded himself, yet plunged ahead. “Let me buy you a cup of coffee, Bill. I really need to talk.”

  Bill hesitated, then shook his head. “I’m tired, Dan. I’m afraid you won’t much like anything I’d have to say. We’ll find some time tomorrow.” Without another word, Bill shut the car door and started the motor.

  Dan jammed his hands in his pockets and shivered as Bill backed out of his parking space. Whether or not his marriage managed to survive, would he still have any friends left at this rate?

  He ambled toward the emergency entrance. He ought to find out what Bill had taken care of for him. God, he had to talk to someone, anyone, or he’d explode. Maggie would understand and listen, he thought as he pushed upon the door.

  The night duty nurse’s raised eyebrow as he asked what he had missed, quickly reminded him of the insanity it would be to go to Maggie’s. Obviously, the night shift had already been speculating on his whereabouts, which explained Bill’s question. No wonder he was acquiring his father’s reputation.

  All he needed was a 2:00 a.m. visit to Maggie’s and word would get back to everyone in town. Allie’d throw him out of his own house without thinking twice. God! If he could only explain. But then you had to believe your own excuses before anyone else would.

  Less than a quarter of an hour later, he was knocking at Bill’s back door.

  “I saw your lights...” He sheepishly let the end of the sentence drift into infinity as Bill n
odded toward the steaming, bright blue mugs waiting on the kitchen counter.

  “Well?” Bill asked, settling onto the bar stool across from Dan and taking a sip of the scalding instant coffee.

  Bill looked exhausted and not the least bit sympathetic. Dan didn’t know where to start and regretted coming.

  “How’s Allie doing?” he finally asked. Bill quirked a raised eyebrow in his direction. “Her pregnancy?” he added quickly.

  Automatic concern overlaid the irritation on Bill’s face. “Why? Is something happening again?”

  “Not like you mean.” Dan assured him. “I almost made love to her tonight. I would have, too, if she hadn’t reminded me of what I should have known in the first place.”

  Bill smiled, wryly. “You’re finding out about the part of life they don’t teach you in medical school, huh?”

  “Damn, Bill, I didn’t ever think I’d need to be reminded of something like that.”

  “I kind’a thought you’d figured, by now, that you don’t have all the answers when you’re dealing with someone you care about.”

  Dan frowned.

  “You got her pregnant, didn’t you? I’d have thought you know enough about birth control to prevent that.” Bill answered Dan’s unspoken question.

  “Faulty goods, Doc.” Dan smiled grimly. “But I see what you mean.” He sighed. “Frankly, I’m not the least bit sorry. If that little accident hadn’t happened, she’d have left the country and I know her doting brother would have never let me in on any secrets. I’d have had to sabotage the new computers to get her back here.”

  “But that’s not what’s bothering you now?” Bill ran his hand across his shiny bald spot.

  “No.” Dan closed his eyes and gathered his thoughts, then met the metallic blue ones watching him. “She wants to go out on another job as soon as her morning sickness quits.”

  Bill nodded. “Yeah, she called me yesterday afternoon about it. I don’t see why she shouldn’t. From here on out she ought to have a fairly normal pregnancy. That’s what we’ll find out next week.” He raised a finger from the table and made his point with it. “You can save Doris a phone call. Tell Alicia we’ve scheduled the amniocentesis for Tuesday. She needs to check in as an outpatient at seven-thirty.”

  Dan nodded.

  “But that’s not what you wanted to talk about, is it? Come on, Danny boy, tell me what’s wrong. I’m afraid I need my beauty sleep.”

  Dan shook his head and groped for words.

  “Everyone in the hospital seems to think you’re trapped in a marriage and Maggie’s finally available. Rumor has it that Maggie had something to do with the broken engagement.” Bill eyed him seriously, but not unkindly, and waited.

  Dan started reluctantly. “The last part’s true. But if being married to Alicia is a trap, it’s exactly where I want to be. I just can’t figure out how to convince Alicia of that.”

  “Have you tried telling her.”

  “It’d never work.”

  “Why?”

  Dan took a long, slow breath.

  Bill nudged him verbally. “Come on, Dan. What happened between you and Maggie?”

  “Alicia walked into my office late the night Maggie told me Jeff wanted a divorce. Maggie was a basket case. She needed... comfort. I didn’t know what to do. So I kissed her.”

  Bill shook his head and let out a long breath. “That explains a lot. Maggie needed reassurance and you felt obligated to provide it?”

  “But now I can’t tell Alicia anything that I could expect her to believe. I can’t even convince myself that I was that stupid. My heart didn’t betray Alicia, but it probably looked that way to her,” Dan admitted.

  “But there’s more?” Bill suddenly held up a hand. “You can’t mean you found out you still have feelings for Maggie?”

  “Not at all,” Dan said vehemently. “Since the day I put the ring on Allie’s finger, I haven’t wanted anyone except her. But—” he ducked his head guiltily “—I have to admit, while I was kissing Maggie, I thought about my father. I wanted to see how I reacted to a warm, attractive woman other than the one I love.”

  “Still checking everything out for yourself, huh?” Bill was shaking his head sadly, exactly like he had when he’d set Dan’s broken leg twenty-some years ago. Dan knew without asking that Bill was thinking about the swing everyone had warned him wasn’t safe.

  “Yeah, I guess.” Dan half grinned.

  Bill sighed. “And your reaction?”

  “I didn’t feel a thing except concern for Maggie, and I guess that’s pretty standard, considering she’s been one of my best friends for as long as I can remember. As soon as she was calm, I put a good distance between us.”

  “Not quickly enough, obviously.” Bill stirred his coffee idly before looking up.

  “And Maggie wasn’t—”

  “She was as amazed as I was that it happened at all. But at least she quit crying.”

  Bill chuckled.

  “The next afternoon, Allie came in and handed back my ring. I would have given anything to set the clock back twelve hours. Her pregnancy was the answer to my prayers. I wanted to send the company that made those condoms a thank-you note,” Dan added.

  Bill smiled wryly. “So what do you want from me?” Bill propped his chin on a fist. “I can’t set this like I did your leg.”

  “I know. I guess I just want some advice. Or maybe you could tell Alicia she can’t go to Greenville,” he tacked on hopefully.

  Bill refused the last request by shaking his head again. “I’m going to give you three bits of advice.” He held up three fingers as he spoke. “Talk to your mom about your father.” He let that sink in for a moment before he continued. “Secondly, you need to trust your instincts where Alicia is concerned. If you don’t trust yourself, how can she?” He refolded the last of his fingers back into his fist. “Probably the most important bit of advice I can give you is to let her go. It might be best for her and the baby.”

  “I can’t do that. What if something happened?”

  “Like what?” Bill seemed intent on playing devil’s advocate.

  “What if she didn’t come back? What if she lost the baby?”

  “Are you concerned about the baby? Or losing your hold over Alicia?” Bill yawned and stood up. He put the still full coffee mugs in the sink.

  “Thanks for listening, Bill,” Dan said, taking the hint and heading for the door.

  “Just don’t rush things,” Bill encouraged, and with a quick good-night, Dan left.

  Dan had shut off all the lights and Alicia drifted, ghostlike through the middle of the house to his wing. She haunted the halls enough in the day that she didn’t need light. It seemed almost as if all those daylight wanderings had been preparing her for this, her night journey to Dan.

  She paused outside his door. Should she knock? To knock would seem like a symbol of everything that had grown up between them—closed doors and courtesies reserved for strangers—since the night she’d found him with Maggie. She silently breathed a wishful prayer and quietly turned the handle. Stepping into the room, she whispered his name, “Dan?”

  The curtains were drawn, shutting out the bright harvest moon she’d watched outside her own window. “Dan?” she said, taking another step toward the big bed centered against the opposite wall.

  She jumped guiltily as the beeper on his bedside table summoned him. She wondered whether to make a hasty retreat before he groped for it and woke to find her hovering over him, or whether to turn on the light and let him know she was launching a peace-making expedition. The numbers on the lighted dial of the clock on the nightstand seemed to quiver as she blinked, steeling herself for whatever reaction he would have when he found her there.

  Obviously, any talking she’d had in mind would have to wait until he took the call that would probably take him to the hospital, but this effort felt so right. After their earlier confrontation, she wanted him to know she was interested in trying to refurbish their
loving relationship.

  When the beeper sounded again, she turned back to the door and flipped the light switch. He was worth anything she could do to get them back on track.

  When she turned back toward the bed, she sighed and her shoulders slumped when she realized he wasn’t even there.

  He must have had an earlier call, she decided, sagging down to sit on the edge of his bed. Her knees felt weak and she realized how much it had taken to get her this far. He was probably already at the hospital.

  But why would they be signaling him at all if he was at the hospital, she suddenly realized, frowning. When it was Dan’s turn on call, the switchboard operator always knew where he was. She wouldn’t have paged him here if he was at the hospital. So where had he gone?

  And without the beeper that he wore every place but the shower? She scowled at the pillows which were neatly encased in the blue-green bedspread. Her hand automatically smoothed the wrinkle-less watermarked silk surrounding her. He hadn’t slept in his bed at all yet.

  Then the chill that had gripped her earlier was replaced with one of proportions that rivaled an ice age. There was only one place Dan would go without letting anyone know where he’d be. Dan, who had gone to such lengths to fool even his mother about the true nature of their marriage, wouldn’t have wanted the whole town in on his infidelities with his receptionist. When Dan had left her a little while ago, he’d gone to be with Maggie!

  Alicia tasted her own blood as she unconsciously bit into her lip to stop the angry sob that rose to her throat. She’d been duped again, lulled into believing he cared about their relationship. She should have realized why he had taken Maggie aside as Laura and Melanie were retrieving their coats from the hall closet. He’d probably been making arrangements for this late-night visit. Oh, why had she been so foolish to think anything had changed since the night she’d found him in Maggie’s arms.